I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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