I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
