put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
