so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
