i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
