New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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