i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
