he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
