I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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