Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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