508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
