OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
