Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
