If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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