Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
