im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
