respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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