If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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