I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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