i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
