Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
