my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
