Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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