so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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