As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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