Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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