but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
