reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
