This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
