I'm going to jail i love you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
