Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
