I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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