Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
