The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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