i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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