Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
