And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
