Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
