wrigley field is MILF paradise
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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