Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
