Apparently you make a good broom.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this is an emotional support booty call
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
