My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
