so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My bed smells like the plague
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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