The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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