I think im going to throw up on grandma
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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