you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
