dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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