watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
