So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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