If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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