Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
