Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
