i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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