I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
