the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
