The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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