That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
