three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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