after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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