Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize