walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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