I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
