If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
