I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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