eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
