I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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