my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
