I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
