If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
