do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
