My room smells like vodka and shame
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
