dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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